Have you ever had a conversation with your husband or boyfriend and felt like you were beating your head into the wall? Have you ever wondered why the man in your life just doesn’t seem to get it? Are you tired of feeling angry, frustrated and ignored?

 

You are not alone. Communication, or I should say, miscommunication is one of the top relationship busters.   Would you like me to share why men are often clueless AND how to get him to really understand what you are saying?

 

Men and women’s brains process information differently. We are also socialized differently starting at a very young age. As a result, men and women are different in 3 major areas.

 

  1. Men are task-oriented and women are relationship-oriented. For men, there must be a goal or a reason for conversation. Women talk to deepen relationships.
  2. Men are problem solvers and women are nurturers. Men talk in specific facts and data to prove their point.  Women prefer to focus on expressing their feelings and to be heard and supported.
  3. Men rely more on verbal communication and women are better at reading body language.   Men will state what they want. They are direct and to the point, without mincing words or beating around the bush.   Women are more in tuned with the non-verbal cues such as body posture, facial expression and tone of voice. They are also on high alert about what is what is NOT being said.

While your man may seem to speak a differently language, you can learn how to be more effective in getting him to hear what you are saying. First, state your purpose and be direct with what you are wanting from him. If you need him just to “listen” and not “solve” tell him that. Don’t be afraid of being too blunt, remember men just want the facts.   And finally, say what you mean – don’t assume that he will notice the more subtle nuances of female communication.

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Mary C. Owens is a Clinical Social Worker and Transitional Expert with over 25 years experience helping her clients improve their relationships and live a more purposeful life.