Is being divorced making you feel angry? Do you get caught up in reminding yourself and others what a jerk your ex- was and still is? Are you tired of the black cloud of doom hanging over your head?

The year following my divorce I spent my time working 70+ hours a week and isolating myself at home with my cats and a bottle of wine.   My family became concerned and convinced me to attend a divorce support group.   I begrudgingly agreed. There were about 15 people in the group, both men and women of all ages and divorced from 1 – 5 years.  I introduced myself and sat back to gain insight from my fellow group members. For the next 90 minutes, I listened to each person, and I began noticing a pattern – everyone seemed to be focused on how horrible his or her marriage was, how awful his or her ex-spouse behaved, how no one understood them, and how alone they felt. At first, I felt sympathy. With each depressing story, my feelings gave way to frustration and annoyance. I sat in silence for fear of what would come out of my mouth if I started to speak.   I could not wait for the group to end and I ran out of the room never to return.

Would you like me to share how that was the BEST 90-minutes in my newly single life and how it helped me to overcome my funk and get me on the path to feeling happy and energized?

  1. I realized that I had spent enough time in a marriage that caused me to feel anxious, alone and unfulfilled. I was DONE feeling angry, depressed and resentful. I began thinking about what I wanted to do and things that brought me joy – not the things everyone else had told me to do or convinced me were in my best interest. I accepted that I was truly an independent and FREE woman and began behaving like one by taking responsibility for my own I stopped apologizing for what I wanted and needed and took action to make it happen.
  1. I was reminded that we create our own We get the results of our focus. The truth is, the brain does not know the difference between what is actually happening or what you think is happening. It responds as if it is your reality – if you say your life is horrible, your brain accepts that, and you feel hopeless and depressed.   Research has shown that by focusing on something positive in the future – something as simple as watching your favorite movie or having dinner with your BFF – the level of endorphins in your brain increases, making you feel happier. I started making plans for my future and stopped making excuses for why I was stuck.
  1. I finally ACCEPTED that I was divorced and that it was OK. My marriage had ended, but my life had not. I was not a failure, and I was not unlovable — I was just divorced.  I still had goals and dreams for myself. I still had the rest of my life ahead of me, and I was ready to start living enthusiastically again.

To learn more about how I can help you, not just survive but THRIVE after your divorce, visit www.MaryCOwens.com.

Mary C. Owens, MSW, CTACC is a Clinical Social Worker and Transitional Expert with over 25 years experience helping hundreds of clients overcome tremendous challenges and make amazing life transitions.   She currently specializes in helping divorced women create a life of purpose, passion, and adventure. Stop settling and start choosing your life! #ItsYourTimeToShine.