Recently I was completing a gym membership application and when I got to the section where it asked “Marital Status”, I wanted write:  NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

  • Before I was married, I was “SINGLE”  (Oh, no!  She’s not married!!! What’s wrong with her?)
  • When I was married, I could check the box “Married” (YAY ME!!!)
  • When I got divorced, I started checking “Divorced” (Poor girl, her marriage was a failure, she must be so lonely)
  • I often wonder if my clients who are widows feel happily reminiscent or grief stricken  when they are reminded of their “Marital Status” on every form they fill out.

So, why did such a simple request make me almost go POSTAL???

1.  Why does my marital status even matter in most situations?  Do I get special rewards for being married?  Do I get cheaper services if I am widowed?  Do I get to bring a friend along for free if I am divorced?

2.  I am NOT my “Marital Status”.    I am an individual who happens to be in or not in a particular kind of relationship.  I have my OWN DREAMS and LIFE PURPOSE that need to be honored regardless of the type of relationship I CHOOSE to be in at any given moment.

3.  I have MANY roles and characteristics that together create the uniquely smart, creative and fun spiritual being named Mary!    I am a DAUGHTER, SISTER, FRIEND, YOGI,  DANCER WANNA-BE, EXPERIMENTAL CHEF, MOVIE BUFF, AVID READER, LIFELONG LEARNER, FELINE MOMMA, ANIMAL RESCUER, SPORTS FAN…….and so much more.

I am not opposed to people who are proud of their marital status, just those who believe it inherently carries more importance or meaning than it actually does.  Women who announce, “I am MRS. John Smith” as if the red carpet should be rolled out in her honor.  Or the woman who views MRS. Smith as an indentured servant  simply because she fell in love and chose to said “I do”.

I met a woman at a dog park and when she discovered that I was divorced and had no children, she paused, sighed and replied, “No husband. No children.  How sad.”  I chuckled to myself.  In the past a statement like that would have offended me and caused me to feel  angry or “less than.”   Not anymore.  Today I value being my authentic self and staying true to my dreams and goals; not because I have a future husband, a current husband, an ex-husband.   Maybe one day I will be a MRS. again, maybe not, but either way I will always be ME!