Are you separated or divorced and do not know when it is appropriate to update your Facebook relationship status? Are you struggling with when to take your rings off? Do you stutter and stumble when introducing yourself, not knowing the appropriate title or last name to use?   Should I tweet #IAmDivorced?

I struggled with these issues following my divorce.   I felt like I was being dishonest or a fraud if I wore my wedding rings or did not make it clear to everyone that I was no longer married.  All my friends were quick to advise me: take the rings off, go back to your maiden name, and for God’s sake, please update your FB page! They would become exasperated with me and ask, “How do you expect to move on if you cannot let it all go?”

Would you like me to share my divorce etiquette in today’s complicated face-to-face and social media worlds?

Divorce is a PROCESS, not an event. It takes time to navigate through all the changes that are occurring legally, financially, socially, and emotionally. One day you may feel more positive, the next day angry or depressed, and your decisions may seem inconsistent.   It is normal to feel as if you are on roller coaster ride during and after a divorce. Hold on and be kind to yourself.   The ride will come to an end, and you will survive.

Decide when and where YOU want to wear your rings based on the situation and the “need to know” of others. For a couple of months, I still wore my rings at work.   I was not being dishonest, but my marital status was not a condition of my employment, and I did not want to become the topic of office gossip.  I was not in denial or struggling with “letting go,” I simply wanted to maintain my privacy. When I was at home or out with friends, the rings came off.

If you legally changed your name, it will take time to complete and file the paperwork to change it again. I took this transitional phase to reclaim and embrace my maiden name. I had lost my identity during my marriage and returning to my maiden name was like reconnecting with an old friend.   I was ready to find the woman who was lost and develop her with the maturity and wisdom I had gained during my marriage.   I was not Miss Mary Owens anymore than I was Mrs. Mary Smith. I was excited to be Ms. Mary Owens and slowly introduced her to the world – on my terms, not when I received my updated driver’s license.

Forget Facebook and their relationship status and updates.   Anyone who thinks Facebook is anything close to reality needs, well, a reality check.   Facebook was developed as a means to stay connected with friends and family but has morphed into something different. I have seen marriages end, friendships demolished, and people becoming depressed over the lack of “likes,” misunderstood comments and jealousy over who is having more fun.  Your reality is YOUR reality. You get to create it – not a social media enterprise that is making billions of dollars while people argue, block, and try to “one-up” each other. A personal disclaimer – I am not against Facebook, but I advise my clients to keep things in perspective. Not everything posted is true, and not everything true is posted.   Recent studies are finding an increase in how often social media is cited as a contributing factor to divorce. Not sure if I should “like” that or not!

Ultimately, you have the POWER to decide how you want to share – or not share – your personal information.   There is no right or wrong way to transition into your new life.   Choose what is in your best interest. Those who truly love you will stand by you whether or not you wear your rings, change your name, or update your Facebook

To learn more about how I can help you, not just survive but THRIVE after your divorce, visit www.MaryCOwens.com and schedule your FREE Get Your Sparkle On Session.

 

Mary C. Owens, MSW, CTACC is a Clinical Social Worker and Divorce Transitional Expert with over 25 years helping hundreds of clients overcome tremendous challenges and create lives of purpose and pas